English Resort Enjoys the Comfort and Safety of a Mankini-Less Existence
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With perseverance, a little luck and the law on its side an English resort managed to rid itself of the scourge of humanity that is the mankini.
Also know as the slingshot bikini, suspender bikini or “Dear God, Susan, quickly cover the children’s eyes!” it has been thoroughly eradicated from a small portion of the world, making that exact location our new dream escape.
The Associated Press, in one of its more stirring articles, reports that officials in Newquay, a resort town in the southwest portion of England, have proclaimed a steady drop in crime.
One aspect of general mischief making that has been axed from the area was the use of the mankini. Crediting its current prohibition, the report states that general tomfoolery has been “nearly halved” since 2009-2010.
Now if you have never seen a mankini, good job. You have successfully maneuvered the rough waters of life without having to endure that small hardship on the psyche.
However, if you are curious, then search the term and snoop to your heart’s content.Don’t worry, we will wait.
Sadly, you can’t unsee what you just saw.
Joking aside, the need to change some of the laws came from a very real and truly tragic event. The AP notes that two teenagers feel to their deaths back in 2009, garnering a wave of support from locals to hammer down on the carousing that was purportedly out of control.
The call was made to address the rampant drinking and, most important to this story, “inappropriate clothing.”
As the AP reports, this includes the mankini, which was somehow a popular piece of wardrobe for revelers prior to 2009. Thankfully, crime to those with and without the gift of sight has been trimmed down.
Per the AP: “Police said Thursday that reported cases of anti-social behavior had nearly halved since 2009-2010, and crime fell from 1,823 incidents in 2012-2013 to 1,624 incidents in 2014-2015.”
Newquay mayor David Sleeman spoke to the AP and offered thoughts on a rejuvenated area: “You couldn’t walk the streets on a Saturday without seeing someone wearing a mankini or what have you.”
The mankini—like the dickey, the mesh tank top and Zubaz pants—belongs in the pile of clothes you are discarding from the closet.
Nobody wins with the mankini, a fact that was just proved by the fine people in Newquay.
More by Gabe Zaldivar
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