Last updated: 03:00 PM ET, Tue April 07 2015

Madame Tussauds' One Direction Tissue Attendant as Real as Zayn Malik Pain

Entertainment | Gabe Zaldivar | April 07, 2015

Madame Tussauds' One Direction Tissue Attendant as Real as Zayn Malik Pain

Image via YouTube

When I heard about One Direction’s Zayn Malik leaving the group I stopped eating, mostly because I was near the end of lunch and was full. However many of you of a very specific demographic have lost your complete minds, mandating a popular attraction provide a human tissue dispenser.

Madame Tussauds London, a collection of wax figures molded to creepily resemble celebrities, has had to have one of its attendants stand near the One Direction display with a box of tissues.

This is because fans are openly weeping as if the entirety of the pain in the world was encompassed by what would normally be just a bunch of giant candles with faces.

Yahoo! Celebrity’s Stephanie Soteriou reports this fantastic news back on March 31, which is far too close to April Fools’ to make us comfortable. However, it was picked up by Yahoo! Travel this week, so we can safely say this story is true, which casts a pall on any hope for humanity.

Here is a report featuring Matt Clarkson who is the marketing manager at the famed attraction:

As you can see, the tissue attendant was put in place prior to fans storming in, so this may be much ado about clever marketing.

In any case, Grace Cadden who has the world’s most peculiar job, states that there is a need via Yahoo!: “Directioners that have visited since the news broke have enjoyed seeing all of the boys together and singing along with their songs - many have also been teary eyed, but we've had a delivery of 150 boxes of tissues over the weekend so we're prepared.”

As many of you know, Malik left the group recently, garnering shrugs and nonchalance from millions around the world who have other things to worry about.

However, there are those whose lives have been stalled for a moment, necessitating they take stock and figure out how to move on with a Malik-less One Direction.

To those, we offer comfort from Clarkson who states, “I want to reassure fans that we will absolutely not be removing Zayn from our One Direction line up - all five boys will remain in the attraction as they have been since their arrival in 2013.”

Suddenly the clouds don’t seem so ominous outside. And, perhaps, we can find the opportunity to smile as we let the sunshine warm our faces.

Thanks to Clarkson and his crack squad the worst is behind us. Sure, the world will never be the same moving forward, but it’s important to simply continue onward, knowing that there is a special place in the world where One Direction will remain whole forever—or until people figure out that paying good money to see wax is kind of silly. 

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