This New Fair Food Will Deliciously Destroy Your Diet

Image: PHOTO: The food is popping. All we hear are arteries clogging and there ain’t no stopping. (photo via Flickr/Amy West)
Image: PHOTO: The food is popping. All we hear are arteries clogging and there ain’t no stopping. (photo via Flickr/Amy West)
Gabe Zaldivar
by Gabe Zaldivar
Last updated: 10:10 AM ET, Wed June 21, 2017

You can almost smell the sweet aroma of abundant delicacies wafting all the way from St. Paul. You can almost hear the heavy breathing as well.

The Minnesota State Fair is nigh, serving up its well-known brand of rousing entertainment from August 24-September 4. That comes with a veritable cavalcade of calories in the form of new food entries, and this year looks to be especially tantalizing.

A man who has more than once experienced this event himself-TravelPulse Executive Editor Michael Schottey-recently told me, "this fair is like a big eater's answer to New York Fashion Week."

There are indeed a bunch of awesome items on the list this year. I dare you to get on out there and try them all. Of course, this would mandate checking with your cardiologist beforehand.

So bust out your Sunday finest and that fork you only use on special occasions, then dig into 2017's new food offerings. There are over 30 to choose from, but here are the ones we are giddy to head North and devour.

[CALLOUT]

Bacon Fluffernutter:

Where: The Sandwich Stop on the west side of Clough St.

What: Described as, "Grilled cinnamon bun sandwich with a bacon, peanut butter and marshmallow cream filling."

How It Makes Us Feel: Nostalgic and childlike. It reminds us of a simple time when we believed peanut butter could make anything taste better. This gave way to a moment when we thought the same about bacon. This has both.

How It Will Make You Feel After Eating: It will be like hitting a hot streak in Vegas for about five minutes. Then you will want to nap.

Bacon Up Pup:

Where: Granny's Kitchen Fudge Puppies outside the Food Building

What: Described as, "A Belgian waffle served on-a-stick with bacon in the batter, dipped in chocolate, drizzled with maple syrup, and topped with whipped cream and bacon."

How It Makes Us Feel: Like sometimes the world understands us. It may seem like this place is cold, dark and lonely but sometimes, if given enough of a chance, the universe grants you the one thing you always wanted.

How It Will Make You Feel After Eating: A little dizzy. This happens anytime you eat anything that is dipped. It could be a corn dog or an ice cream cone, you are coming away from the experience slightly and beautifully discombobulated.

Bowl O'Dough:

Where: Blue Moon Dine-In Theater on the corner of Carnes Ave. and Chambers St.

What: Described as, "Scoops of straight-up, raw cookie dough." (The description goes on from there but that's all you need to know.)

How It Makes Us Feel: Like the time we were dumped and sat crying in the kitchen, eating a whole pint of ice cream with the freezer door wide open

How It Will Make You Feel After Eating: Ashamed. And you should be. You actually ate cookie dough like the kind of person who can't even wait for food to be cooked.

Wait. I take that back. There might be heaven on earth after all.

Memphis Totchos

Where: Snack House at the Warner Coliseum

What: Described as, "Sliced bananas and sautéed bacon over tater tots, topped with peanut sauce."

How It Makes Us Feel: Like we were five years old again but this time our mom let us eat whatever we pleased.

How It Will Make You Feel After Eating: Like an adult who finally realized he or she can eat whatever you darn well please.

[READMORE]READ MORE: 10 Reasons to Go Grocery Shopping When You Travel [/READMORE]

Pizzarito:

Where: Green Mill at the Family Fair at Baldwin Park

What: Described as, "Flour tortilla filled with pepperoni, Italian sausage, risotto, mozzarella and marinara, coated with garlic butter, parmesan and Italian spices, baked and served with a side of marinara."

How It Makes Us Feel: Like you can re-invent a calzone in 2017.

How It Will Make You Feel After Eating: Like you just ate a truly gourmet Hot Pocket. Be near a bank of facilities just the same. For safety.

Sweet Corn Blueberry Éclair:

Where: Farmers Union Coffee Shop between Cooper and Cosgrove streets

What: Described as an éclair filled with sweet corn pastry cream and topped with blueberry glaze."

How It Makes Us Feel: Life is always about the simple things in life: A kiss from someone you love, a gentle breeze carrying the fragrance of fresh flowers or any pastry filled with crème.

How It Will Make You Feel After Eating: Like you just ate a puff pastry and it was the lightest thing you had all day.


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