PHOTO: Officials found a whole bunch of cocaine on this man's legs. (Photo via Flickr/Valerie Everett)
A man was arrested at JFK Airport for having cocaine legs.
This is not to mean he was stumbling around after taking one too many bumps in the bathroom.
Cocaine legs is exactly what it sounds like: The suspect strapped five pounds of the white substance to his legs and is now more than likely pondering aloud in his cell how he could possibly have been caught with something so seemingly foolproof as tape and legs.
ABC 7 News – Bay Area reports dastardly genius Mayo-Banex Ruiz Gomez was en route from the Dominican Republic to the United States when officials noticed that he was acting “nervous.”
Presumably, they also noticed he had thighs that resembled Wile E. Coyote’s when he took leg muscle vitamins.
With nary a road runner in sight, we suspect officials decided to dig a bit further.
With what we can only imagine was a puffed-out chest, Leon Hayward, Acting Director of CBP's New York Field Operations, spoke, via ABC 7 News: “This latest seizure demonstrates our CBP officers being ever vigilant in protecting the United States from the distribution of these illicit drugs.”
READ MORE: Authorities Bust $100 Million Drug Ring Run by Current, Former TSA Workers
If you were wondering, this amount of cocaine goes for about $83,000 on the street—a paltry sum when you consider being caught amounts to federal narcotics smuggling charges. The report also notes officials thwarted an unnamed person who had the bright idea to strap cocaine to their legs back on March 4
Let this be a lesson, don’t attempt to smuggle highly illegal substances into the United States.
Perhaps get into coffee importing or something.