Ugh.
Just what you're thinking today, right? You're packing up and getting ready to head to the airport for Christmas travel, and you're just not looking forward to the hassles that accompany the whole ordeal.
Well here are a few, uh, suggestions for you to survive your airport experience this holiday.
These are tongue-in-cheek. We don't expect you to do all these.
OK some :)
• Wave a $20 bill at the TSA Agent to see if you can get a table, er, security line quicker.
• Realize that your carefully wrapped, fragile Christmas gift IS a carry-on - and it's going to cost you.
• After waiting 25 minutes in line at Starbucks, annoy the guy behind you by asking the barista, "So what kind of coffee do you have here?"
• Be on time to the gate. Listen to announcements. Or, in other words, don't be this lady:
• Play mind games with kids. Wait for their parents to call them by name ("Billy, come over here!") and then 20 minutes later casually walk by the kid, pretend to be on your cell phone and say, "No, no, I just talked to Santa and he said nobody was on the naughty list this year except some kid named Billy …"
• Stop wishing you were back home. It isn't going to help the situation. Besides, think of how you'll feel when you get where you're going.
• Play mind games with adults, Part I. Again, using your cell phone as a prop, sit down next to somebody and say, "I know, I know, I forgot and there literally was nobody around to watch her. But I'm only gone for a week. She should be fine with the one bowl of food and water. She could always hunt and catch something to eat when she goes out the doggy door …. Yeah, you're right, I guess that would be a problem when you're carrying puppies."
• Stop debating whether to go to the bathroom now or wait until you're airborne. Go now, for goodness sake.
• Walk around and randomly say this:
• Tell a flight attendant: "I know I can't go into the cockpit but could I please get my wings?"
• Play mind games with adults, Part II. Make conversation at the gate with a fellow passenger on your flight to Chicago and say, "So what's the first thing you're going to do when we get to Paris?"
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