A Swon, A Snake and A Whole Lot of Great Food

TravelPulse editorial director Tim Wood recently returned from a four-day trip to the new Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya, the latest addition to the All-Inclusive Collection.  Here’s the second of his dispatches from the road. His first dispatch can be found here. 

The beautiful thing about the term “all inclusive” is that the wallet stays at home. Which is a good thing, because in the middle of my Riviera Maya, I may have lost it in the pool after a chance encounter with a creepy crawler.

My second day in the nirvana that is the Hard Rock Riviera Maya began with an outstanding breakfast buffet, a view of the ocean and a bird chase, as the staff fought the good fight to keep the local fowl from coming in the open-air seating area.

Normally when I think of buffets, I think of skimping. The ingredients, the variety, it all seems to be lost. But not here. From the omelettes to the variety of breakfast potato dishes to the fruit selection, it was all top notch.

That was my experience across the entire resort when it comes to food. From the variety of The Market to the Brazilian specialties at Ipanema and the fiery mixes at the Mexican-themed Frida, I was blown away by the meals.

My second night, after a day of exploring the resort (mostly hanging by the ocean with libations in both hands) and the weekly onsite flea market/bazaar, I met up with the rest of our media group for dinner at the Asian hotspot.

The first great part of the evening was discovering how pleasant and friendly my all-female group of new friends. I felt like Charlie walking my Angels around the resort. 

The second big bonus was the meal – a hibachi group meal with a truly talented performer cooking us up spring rolls, sushi, a wonton soup and proteins and rice for dinner.

I was but a sideshow as the chef took full advance of trying to impress his largely female audience with hearts made out of egg yolk and a lot of good-natured flirting. Everyone left smiling and happy with an amazing feast.

My second morning at the resort began with hydrotherapy in the Rock Spa. I went from hot Jacuzzi to cold spa and waterfall two times to revitalize before getting an hour-long relaxing massage. In the middle of it all, I had my first sauna experience in decades, a steam room that was the much needed detoxing I needed.

The staff was friendly, the treatments were spaced out just right. There’s a variety of services and skin treatments and though I played it down the middle, the personalized butler service made me feel like a king.

I also tried the resort’s Posh Beauty Salon for a haircut while I was on sight. Though the language barrier caused for some confusion, the end result was the best cut I’ve had in years.

After the spa treatment and a light lunch, I joined the media group at an out-of-the-way pool that we owned for much of the afternoon.

While I enjoyed the poolside drink service and the water volleyball, the adrenaline rush of the trip came when I heard a woman yell, “Snake!” from the other end of the pool.

I thought nothing of it until I felt a squishy squirming on my leg. Before I knew it, a garden snake had slithered up my legs, through one leg of my swim trunks and into the nearby bush.

I tried to play it cool with the Angels staring in disbelief, but inside, I was screaming like a girl at a One Direction concert.

My newfound hero status carried into an evening that started at Frida with ceviche and handmade guacamole made tableside, chicken tacos and a variety of native tequilas. I tried the mango and kiwi – both of which went down wickedly smooth to the point where I was tipsy without realizing I was even drinking spirits.

The night ended with a beachside barbecue and a country concert with the Swon Brothers and the winners of “The Voice” competition.

It’s clear from the resort is set up to host these kind of events, which Hard Rock will have more of throughout the summer – starting with Jon Bon Jovi for the official grand opening of the resort in May.

After the concert, we got some private time with the brothers. I found myself chatting with Colton, who I remembered from “American Idol” season 7 before he made it on “The Voice” with his brother Zack.

It struck me in that moment that I probably should have laid off the kiwi tequila earlier in the evening, as I came out sounding like a doting Chris Farley-to-Paul McCartney type from “SNL.”

“You’re awesome, Colton. You got robbed on ‘The Voice’ and ‘Idol.’ They just don’t know talent when they see it!”

Then I just listened to him talk for a few minutes and tried to let the calming breezes and consolation of the Angels take away my embarrassment.