Imagine you’re sitting out in the backyard, enjoying the warmth of a beautiful summer evening when a weary traveler, bladder full from a highway beverage stop, decides to relieve themselves right on your property. Unfortunately for a Pennsylvania family, there is no need to imagine.

The altogether ridiculous situation is a very real problem as various travelers driving down the Pennsylvania Turnpike in Stahlstown decide they just can’t wait another minute and simply must use the facilities that, you know, double as a family’s home.

WTAE’s Kelly Brennan (h/t The Huffington Post) reports on a story that features plenty of, well, unsavory details, including various travelers purportedly leaving refuse on the property as kids played in the yard.

According to the report, Crystal King and her mother-in-law Patricia Roadman have property that sits next to the highway, separated by what the report describes as a fence. Seeing it in the video, “fence” is a tenuous description for what they have separating home from clueless and utterly grotesque travelers.

King explains one of the more astonishing exchanges with a passerby: “My 11-year-old son was riding his bike around here to the back of the house, and a lady was pulled off back there, had no clothes from the waist down, and she started yelling at him.”

The concerned mother continues, “And that's when I come out and I told her, he's on his property, yinz (sic) ain't supposed to be here, just go up the road.”

If you think things couldn’t get any worse, well you haven’t been following along closely. Brennan reports King once saw a woman urinating in plain sight. King, being a woman who frowns on public displays of vulgarity, attempted to stop the madness with a plea. The woman, just out of finishing school we imagine, threw some urine towards the disgruntled King.

Roadman even claims that one woman threw paper towels with waste on it onto her side of the fence. Leading every last one of us to only one proper reaction:

Now the report doesn’t explain exactly where Roadman and King call home, for obvious reasons. So we don’t have a clue as to where the nearest rest stop or diner is in the area. Not that any of this matters, because relieving yourself near or, in some cases, on someone’s property falls within the narrow parameters of things you should never do.

We have traveled countless miles and never had the need to toss our business at a concerned homeowner asking for something really quite simple: please don’t urinate on my property?

Thankfully, the Pennsylvania State Police have promised more patrols to counter the issue. Let’s just hope the cops don’t have weak bladders as well.

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