Jeff Goldblum – auteur, eloquent thespian, man who made being both a satellite technician and chaos theorist cool – once played himself for really the only Hilton commercial you ever need see.

We may go so far as to say this is the only commercial, period, that you need to witness in your lifetime.

It’s a dated ad called “Hilton Time,” and it pretty much has the same effect as a romantic dinner started with oysters and concluding with decadent chocolate.

We spotted this rare Internet treasure lurking on director Devon Dickson’s YouTube page.

Presumably, this was the easiest day of work for Dickson who probably just demanded the cameras roll and not miss one second of the magic unfurled from the melodic, sweet sounding syncopation that comes from the magic machine known as the Goldblum.

The fact that this man hasn’t yet won an Oscar means voters are obviously impervious to Goldblum’s big-screen seductions. And even though it would mean being able to vote on the year’s best movies, we wouldn’t want to live in that kind of melancholy world, bereft of the sense of wonder that welcomes anyone who has ever flipped on a Goldblum masterpiece.

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According to producers, the only thing you need to sell the Hilton brand is running water and Goldblum chuckling softly to himself. It puts you at ease in the same way a $200 gift card to Burke Williams might.

The commercial ends with Goldblum playing himself in a sultry game of Ker-Plunk because, well, of course it does. It’s the only way this dream could possibly end.

Still, we can’t figure out why Hilton ever steered clear of its Goldblum campaign, because it’s the only thing that makes sense in this crazy world.

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