Image taken by Gabe Zaldivar.
The bacon flowed like the alcohol from the convenient tap in my room. The hangovers, unfortunately, were just as plentiful.
The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, was like an oasis of gluttony, and one I was happy to explore as part of those welcomed by the hotel for its All-Inclusive Lady A Getaway this past September.
Now I have opined on hydrotherapy as a hangover cure and even relayed my experience in country music, but there are some items of note that went amiss.
Here is what came to mind when I thought back on the trip:
Free Wi-Fi:
The music really does envelop you when you arrive at the HRC Punta Cana, like an auditory Snuggie you didn't ask for. And much in that way, it's really rather marvelous. However, I didn't need the songs pumping out all over the resort, because my Spotify worked. Heck, I could FaceTime the wife, Instagram and tweet all without much worry.
We all like to think that a few days in paradise should coincide with going off the grid. But let's be real for two seconds, nobody actually wants that. We want to stay tethered, if only slightly, to the rest of the world. And really, those Instagram moments aren't going to brag themselves.
Golf Course is Stunning:
Now I didn't get a chance to hit my requisite 60-over-par round at the Hard Rock Golf Club at Cana Bay, but I did get to duff a bit on the driving range as well as ride around the front nine on a relaxing golf cart tour.
Now I hope social media relays just how stunning the course really is:
Simply taking the cart path from one hole to the next was a joyous occasion, riding through a jungle-like environment before being presented with a wide expanse of a hole that seems intricately framed by the foliage surrounding it.
Arcade:
Yes, the hotel had an arcade. Yes, all-inclusive means there is no need for coins when playing said video games.
The only real downside was there was a shortage of titles. The arcade was a small area that had a few driving games, a pop-a-shot game and various shooters. However, my immature mind demanded to be entertained by so many more titles that would feel right at home at the Hard Rock.
Imagine not needing any quarters to Street Fighter, Super Off-Road, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or any number of pinball machines. Alas, we would all come back paler than when we left.
Choose Your Own Relaxing Adventure:
Most resorts will have a healthy selection when it comes to relaxation, and the Hard Rock was no exception. There were numerous places I could get my buzz on, including my own room. There was also an equally astounding selection of eateries where I could add to my already impressive waistline.
However, the thing I appreciated most was the selection of water locales. The pool near my room was quiet, unfettered and calm, which is exactly what you want when you are nursing a hangover by working on the next one.
Now a brief jaunt through the sizable resort illustrated that this wasn't the case at other pools. There was a far more social pool down the way and a full-on party taking place at another.
If all that was too much to handle, there was always, well, the Atlantic Ocean:
So you have choices, levels of relaxation and socialization to consider when you are melting the stress with a Michelada.
The Food: We don't go to an all-inclusive resort to count calories. In fact, the moment we step foot into the lobby, we are greeted with an invincible sense that calories and alcohol limits don't exist, as if they were invented in a fairy tale we once read about when we were kids.
The darn thing with these kinds of resorts is that you sacrifice quality when you are served with figurative buckets of chow thrown at you.
The Hard Rock, I have to say, was better than I had expected. Now that isn't to say there weren't some missteps like the runny scrambled eggs or severely overdone breakfast sausage.
But there were some things that I thought rather good, damn good. There was a taco station at lunch, doling out freshly made tacos of beef, pork, shrimp and other choices. Really, it was kind of like a Cold Stone in meat form, which is far more delicious than it sounds.
Zen-an Asian Teppenyaki restaurant-delivered on the food and the entertainment. And I must say; Simon Mansion served one of the better steaks I have had in some time.
In the end, I returned from the Hard Rock in Punta Cana a little more relaxed and a lot more full than I had intended. The brain was still fuzzy from a weekend mix of one part vodka and countless parts whiskey, leaving me to my usual detox of falling asleep on the couch.
Yes, I guess you could say I enjoyed myself.
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