You Think You Know Everything About Greyhound? You’re Right (And Wrong).

This past week I needed to get from Atlanta to Savannah, Ga.

Now, we are a single-car family because (according to my wife) I spend too much money on craft beer, bowling and Lego and (according to me) she is cheaper than a blue ruffled tuxedo shirt on the second day of a garage sale.

So without my own wheels, I had to do this as thriftily as possible.

A rental car turned out to be $21. Alright! That's not bad. I went ahead and started the reservation process when…WAIT A MINUTE! A $125.40 one-way charge?!

After taxes, fees and that charge I am now looking at t $185.92? BUZZZ!

That was my wife on the game show buzzer saying, "Try again."

Ok, airfare: $134.50 one way. Better. BUZZZ!

And then it comes.

"Honey, why don't you just take the Greyhound to Savannah?"

My palms now sweaty, panic began setting in, as I tried desperately to act like I don't hear her. I can't take the bus. Who takes the bus anymore? Does Greyhound even still exist? I just know the buses are smelly, cramped, and stop in every two by four little town between here and there. It'll take me 12 hours to get to Savannah! I bet the price isn't even any better than taking the flight.

Oh, and I know what types of people ride those busses. They are not like me. Those people are setting up a full kitchen and cooking something really smelly in the back of the bus. They are listening to really loud music and playing guitar and singing. They have seven screaming children with parents that don't care.

And well, look at me: I am 290 pounds and broader than a house. I am not going to want to sit next to them for 12 hours and they are certainly not going to want to sit next to me. Even with an extra phone battery, I would be lucky to get 4 hours of email, Facebook and Candy Crush. What the heck am I going to do?

Calming myself, I elected to peek quickly at the website.

It was $34. Really?! I can hear the game show DING, DING, DING, DING, DING from my wife in the other room already. So I booked it and prepared for the worst.

I arrived about 30 minutes before departure time and got in line to check my bag. Which isn't really checking your bag as much as it is getting a bag check ticket for your bag and then carrying it yourself to the bus. And there they were. At the gate. Waiting next to me.

I wish I had brought a Bus Stereotype Bingo Card because they were all there.

A lady carrying on a full set of pots and pans. Parents with two screaming children and they didn't care. A guy with a guitar wearing sandals and black socks. A tatted up, redneck guy who looked like he hadn't washed his hat in at least five years. His girlfriend named Jolene (I can't make this stuff up) who wasn't in much better shape.

And they were all boarding through gate No. 8 with me. I was beginning to panic. It wasn't long before they called our route and we headed down the ramp to the bus. I was trying to do a head count to see if there might be a chance that there would be an empty seat next to me.

That was when everything changed.

His name was Lamar. He was our driver. He greeted everyone with a cheerful "Good Morning" and took our ticket. I jumped on board and grabbed the first seat available closest to the front of the bus. I lucked out and didn't have to sit with anyone for the ride. Lamar got us situated, checked on the luggage, helped off someone who was on the wrong bus and got us underway.

He then proceeded with his "Welcome Aboard" speech. I am not sure how long that Lamar has been driving a bus, but he knew what he was doing. He told us about how he was charged with providing us with a "Safe and Quiet ride to Savannah." About how we were not going to do anything that would result in anything but a "Safe and Quiet ride to Savannah." He must have used the terms "Safe and Quiet" a half a dozen times in his speech.

So guess what kind of trip we had? Safe and Quiet.

Quick side note here: I was on what is called a Greyhound Express Bus. This is something that Greyhound has started to compete with Megabus and their fare-friendly routes. That is fodder for another whole article. Greyhound Express is just that: Express.

We stopped at Hartsfield International Airport, Macon and then Savannah. We made the trip in three hours and 45 minutes. There was a power outlet in every seat and basic Wi-Fi on the bus (no streaming of videos or music, but you had everything else).

The seats were leather, reclined and the temperature was kept at a perfect 72 degrees. And did I mention? It was a Safe and Quiet Ride to Savannah. I was not just pleasantly surprised, I was completely dumbfounded. All of my stupid stereotypical worries were for naught.

I got my bag in the SAV right where I left it, and a smile, hand shake and "thank you, come again," from Lamar on the way off.

So I was right; all of those stereotypical people were there. But I was so wrong, because the experience was great. Who would've known? Not me or anyone else I talked to recently.

With that in mind, here are some tips for taking your next trip on the Greyhound bus:

1. Book online. The ticket that I paid $34 for was $79 the day of at the gate.

2. Plan ahead. You can save even more money for booking well in advance. I booked four days out and still paid less than half the walk-up rate.

3. Take the express. The travel time for me was four hours, 20 minutes with stops. If you don't catch the express, the travel time is 12 hours, 10 minutes.

4. Upgrade like a big dog. For only $5, you can be the first to board the bus. Take a look at your gate; if there are more than 40 people waiting, this is a must-do. (Available at the desk nationwide and online in certain markets).

5. Pack light. Your first bag is free; after that you are going to pay $15 for number two and Greyhound Package Express Rates (see the bonus below) beyond that. You can carry one on, too.

6. Bring your tablet. The seats, although leather, were rather small. There really wasn't room for me to set up a laptop. I did charge my phone the whole time.

7. Make a copy of your ticket. They take your print at home ticket when you board and you might need it again later.

8. Bring cash. Small bills are the way to go if you want a vending machine snack or to tip a Lamar-type driver.

9. Bellhop your bags. Greyhound now offers a service where, for $5 per bag, they will store your luggage while you tootle around town. Good for up to 24 hours and then you pay. My location only took cash. (see no. 8)

10. Enjoy saving the Earth. Each bus takes about 40 cars off the road and generates three times less CO2 per customer per mile than a hybrid vehicle. So you are saving that view that you are enjoying out the window.

Bonus Tip: Want to ship something across the United States the cheapest way possible? Check out Greyhound Package Express. You can ship station-to-station or for a little more money, even door-to-door for a fraction of the alternatives. I shipped out my apartment from Vegas to Atlanta for one-third the cost of the national shipping services. Go online to www.shipgreyhound.com.

Guest writer Tom Bastek is a voice actor and writer in the Atlanta Area. He has traveled to all 48 continental states and almost every stop in the Caribbean.

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