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Say how you really feel by adopting Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches or a giant hairy scorpion.
Sure, going with a bouquet of flowers and a reservation at a nice restaurant that mandates wearing fancy pants might be the way to go, but you can't help but fall in love with what the helpless romantics at the San Francisco Zoo are doing this Valentine's Day.
As NBC Bay Area reports, you can adopt a cockroach or scorpion and name it after your former boyfriend or girlfriend, showing them in a completely reasoned and well proportioned manner that you are totally over the relationship and are prepared to exit the house after binge watching Friends and eating ice cream.
Having such an outlet is beyond necessary. Once you squeeze out of the doldrums of a devastating breakup, you are undoubtedly hit with the realization that happy couples who enjoy one another's company are about to embark upon another Valentine's date night.
To that end, the zoo gives us this:
Interested parties are encouraged to visit the zoo's adoption page where you can adopt various adorable animals as well as some unsightly insects.
The cockroach's page offers, "The Madagascar hissing cockroach is believed to be the only insect that can hiss," so you can tell your beloved that you are furthering naturally occurring music in their name.
As NBC Bay Area states, you don't actually get a box of roaches or a scorpion for your donation. However, you will get "a plush scorpion or a special Valentine's-themed gift box containing plastic cockroaches."
More than that, you are helping the zoo, "further the San Francisco Zoological Society's mission to connect people to wildlife, inspire caring for nature, and advance conservation action."
And, of course, you get the kind of romantic respite that comes with naming something as vile as a cockroach after your ex who will totally, completely come groveling back once they have some sense knocked into them.
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