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According to the following outrageous story, the side effects of popping Xanax and drinking alcohol include stripping naked, running up and down the aisle of an airplane, blacking out and urinating on International treasure and all-around good guy Dolph Lundgren.
There is no way to gingerly tiptoe around this report. Well, there is, but we are hardly above that level of sophistication.
Just know that your horrible recent flight went a lot better for you than the respective trip Mr. Lundgren took from Amsterdam to Reno, Nevada.
Most of us are fortunate to step out the door for the day and return with nary another's bodily fluids having made it on our person. The Daily Mail's Khaleda Rahman explains that wasn't the case for the 57-year-old who has starred in "Rocky IV," "Masters of the Universe" and "The Expendables" franchise.
According to the report the plane was en route to the Gumball 3000 motor rally and was filled with rather festive passengers, including Matthew Pritchard of "Dirty Sanchez" fame.
After self-medicating, the 42-year-old lost a bit of time, more commonly known as blacking out. While his brain was shut down his body went on a tour of the plane that left one celeb a wee bit annoyed.
Pritchard explains to the Daily Mail: "I took a Xanax, which is a sedative that knocks you out, to put me to sleep on the flight. I didn't realize you're not supposed to mix them with alcohol. I had a lot of alcohol and blacked out. I started running up and down the flight naked. And proceeded to pee on Dolph Lundgren's feet."
Pritchard reportedly didn't remember what we have to assume was the low point of the flight and continued, "Apparently Dolph was not too happy."
However, we do have further evidence that Lundgren is truly a gentleman, because Pritchard made it off the plane in one piece and managed to Instagram the following:
Pritchard's mea culpa was received well by the same man who ended Apollo Creed so quickly. He states to the Daily Mail, "Afterwards Dolph shook my hand and said not to worry about it. I don't know why I wasn't arrested at the airport."
Perhaps there was too long a list of possible detainees, because it wasn't like this flight was the height of refinement.
The report paints a fairly sordid picture for the 14-hour flight: "Other revelers were photographed smoking, lifting a woman into the overhead baggage area, drinking large shots of vodka and spirits - and having a pillow fight at 37,000 ft."
As best we can tell, using the power of context, someone was bound to pee on another during this flight.
It's just remarkable that it was one of the two men who featured in the greatest montage ever created:
And the greatest (Read: Only) live recreation of "He-Man."
Heck, in a perfect world he would play a scientist who smells crime, and possibly runs on all fours:
What we are saying is Lundgren is less a man and more a marvel, someone put on this world to enhance the experience of this crazy thing we call life.
And he was peed upon.
That he came away from the debacle with head held high only means we respect him more than we did previously.
Now we leave the rest of you with one request. Please do not urinate on Dolph Lundgren. The man is a treasure.
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